Life is never as expected. Wouldn’t you agree?
Having spent the past few months peeing on a stick and throwing a party in my head every time the smiley face appeared, it turns out I am not actually ovulating. I cried, a lot. Luckily, I have been blessed with a great doctor whose combination of sympathy and pragmatism are more than I could wish for.
So, what next?
My husband needs to get tested to check his swimmers are all in order. If they’re not in good nick then it is game over for us. I have been referred to a fertility clinic. Apparently there are drugs that can help me ovulate. Then it goes one of two ways:
(1) I get pregnant
(2) I don’t.
I am not eligible for free IVF because of my age. Even if we were it is not a route we want to go down.
If we succeed there is then the question as to whether I can carry a baby due to my infantile cervix. There is also the question of the impact of changing hormones on my mental health.
It is sad to say but while I am desperate to be a mum and have a family, I have never felt that excited about trying for a baby. There has always been a sense of ‘it wasn’t going to happen’, along with ‘it doesn’t actually feel right’.
However, on our first date my husband and I discussed the fact we would both love to adopt.
After my tearful visit to the doctors, comfort from my Mummy, we decided that perhaps we had gone far enough on trying to have a biological child. A cloud immediately lifted. All of sudden we were filled with hope and excitement.
There are 2,060* children waiting for adoption. Sibling groups of two or more children, children of black or minority ethnic heritage, children with additional needs or uncertainty and children aged four or over, are especially in need. It is a sad fact. With so many children looking for their forever homes how could we possibly be making a poor decision.
We contacted two agencies* and are booked on information days in the New Year. I am not sure how our journey will go, whether we will be approved, matched and our dream of having a family will come true, but it literally feels like a weight has been lifted and as if we are now on the right path.
** *Figures from CoramBAAF