Meet Persia and Joey, they offer sexy, savvy self-help that will inspire you to get addicted to the good stuff. They are here to help you shift your mind-set and re-focus that chaotic, destructive energy into creating a life of satisfaction, excitement and purpose. Their approach is fresh, original and quite frankly, I’m excited! If only they had been around for my drink-drugs-lust-maxing out that credit card younger youth. Having battled their own demons and addictive behaviours the girls are now on a mission to help you combat yours. Through a inspirational blend of mentoring, writing and speaking these beautiful babes will blow your little party socks right off and rock your world with peace, happiness and authenticity. Allow me to introduce you to the world of Addictive Daughter…
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results ~ Albert Einstein
What are addictive behaviours?
According to the trusty source Wikipedia, an addictive behaviour is “any activity, substance, object, or behavior that becomes the major focus of a person’s life resulting in a physical, mental, and/or social withdrawal from their normal day to day obligations.”
By our definition, the word ‘addictive’ connotes the idea of something that is habit-forming, compelling or moreish. Whilst addictive behaviours and addiction generally get a bad rap, we argue that they don’t have to be viewed as negative. Our hashtag ‘GetAddictedToTheGoodStuff’ is all about re-directing your energy away from destructive pursuits instead towards the positive things that are going to build you the future you desire. The proof this can work? Our own stories. Plus, there are many addicts and addictive types out there who have overcome their sabotaging behaviours and are now doing something really quite brilliant in the world.
Life keeps presenting me with the lesson I need to learn until I learn it
What’s your own personal experience of them?
Joey: Persia and I both definitely have addictive personalities. I personally am not someone who does things so well in moderation. Before I gave up drinking alcohol two years ago, I used to struggle with confining myself to a couple of drinks. It wasn’t that I was out on the lash every night of the week, but when I did drink, I didn’t have a stop button. I find similar impulses now come up for me with food – I love to eat more than I need. The area I’ve had to do the most work on however is my addictiveness when it comes to love and sex. For a long time, I struggled to stay in my own life and focus on what was right for me when I was in a relationship with somebody. There is a pull in me to be very co-dependent and I have had to and continue to do a lot of work around that. The other biggie for me has been separating my reasons for craving intimacy – for me, it’s generally a desire to feel loved and validated rather than a physical need.
Persia: I, on the other hand, was out on the lash pretty much every night when Joey and I lived together 5 years ago – even turning up to ballet class at drama school still high or horrendously hung-over from the night before. The reason I used to drink so heavily and take drugs was to give me more confidence around men, because my big addiction – similarly to Joey – was love addiction. I didn’t value or love my self at all (despite being one of the loudest and outwardly most confident people I know), and felt a deep emptiness within myself that I thought the love and validation from another person could fill. However, when I managed to actually get that love returned, the effect soon wore off, and I would go on a frenzied escapade to find someone new – (much like taking higher doses of drugs when regular consumption makes the effects less felt). I was caught in a shame-fuelled pattern of cheating on whatever boyfriend I was with, and jumping from relationship to relationship (with them always overlapping). I was also totally addicted to bad boys. This is a common character trait in the children of addicts and alcoholics (my parents are recovering addicts, and a real testament to how changing the focus of your addictive energy to the ‘good stuff’ can massively change every area of your life). It took a pretty big rock bottom of getting my own heart broken after my addict boyfriend cheated on me 2 years ago, until I was finally ready to focus all my addictive energy towards loving and respecting myself, instead of looking for a man to do those things for me.
What’s the key to overcoming them?
First and foremost, getting honest with yourself about where you are and how the addictive behaviours are manifesting and affecting your life.
There are all sorts of 12 step fellowships to assist with addictive behaviours which can be a great way to find others struggling in the same area. The 12 steps are not only a programme for abstinence, the principles are essentially a design for living that can be applied to any form of negative behavioural pattern. This design for living is essentially a process of clearing away the wreckage of your past and allowing you a clean slate in which you can build what you wish upon. In being best friends and running Addictive Daughter together, we have been fortunate to have the support of each other along our way.
Daily spiritual practice is key – and that is going to look slightly different for everyone. Whether it’s God you believe in or perhaps the power of the universe, both of us have found comfort and strength in having faith in something much greater than ourselves guiding us. For us, being spiritually connected means spending quiet time reflecting on what’s going on within (be that through prayer, meditation, through some form of worship or writing in a diary).
Also, being connected to something greater means accepting we do not have to manage everything alone. As humans we are not omnipotent – but we can drive ourselves crazy trying to be! Other people, places and things are not within our control. It’s very liberating to accept that. Daily gratitude lists have been very important too – there is always, always, always something to be grateful for!
Today, I abandon my old habits and take up new, more positive ones.
You offer mentoring schemes, how does your work help others?
Our work focuses very much on resolving the inner conflicts – looking at patterns of behaviour, thought processes, spiritual life and shifting perspective. We’ve found both through making the inner shifts in our own lives and through coaching others, that if you begin within, the outer results will follow close behind. You can’t have the stable relationship, dream body, high-flying career and financial abundance (at least you won’t sustain it!) if you’re a mess within.
We offer all our coaching via Skype, either as a six-pack of one hour sessions or individual hourly sessions.
What is your message to cynics, sceptics and the intrigued?
Our message to cynics and sceptics is that we too were in your shoes not so long ago! But it wasn’t working for us, we got to a place where change felt like the only option… and we’re happy to report life is much more fruitful over here! To the intrigued, welcome. Visit our website and enjoy our free resources.
Finally, what are your top five tips for self-love?
- Forgive yourself every day, be gentle and patient with yourself
- Interpret your past mistakes and pain as valuable lessons
- Get a decent amount of sleep and a regular sleep pattern
- Stay away from people who drain you
- Sign up at addictivedaughter.com for weekly tips on transforming your life
I am the architect of my life; I build its foundation and choose its contents.
First Published 2014/02/22