Retreat ~ Release ~ Desire

I LOVE New Year. I love looking back over the year and reflecting on achievements, losses, lessons and growth. I love the thought of those 365 blank pages to come, it’s an exciting and thrilling time.

I physically craved this weekend’s Full Moon Urban Retreat and dedicating a whole day to myself while surrounded by incredible like-minded women. As much as I adore the online community around me, there is nothing quite like forging those deep connections in person.

I daily high-five myself (loser) and celebrate the little things. As we come to the end of 2014 we all need to make the time to celebrate how far we have come and release anything which has held us back this year.

How often do you give yourself permission to rest and rejuvenate?

It’s time to dance with our desires, get clear on our heart’s deepest wishes, and learn the tools for making our wildest dreams come true in 2015.

The Full Moon Urban Retreat was all about placing yourself at the centre of your world and giving yourself permission to put you first. How often do You do that? What I really loved was that this was about self acceptance, not about self-improvement.

This is about recognizing that you are strong & wild at heart. Accepting that you are raw in some ways and polished like gold in others.

The day itself was made up of:

  • Kundalini kriyas and meditations, to help us bust through our blocks
  • Rituals, to help us get clear on our desires and figure out how to take action towards them without being desperate (note to self)
  • A session on creating a daily practice that will support us in living the life you dream of – because it’s what we do everyday that shapes us and our life
  • A guided relaxation to round out the day before we finish with homemade chocolate and the time to exchange details with all the new friends you’ve made (simply scrumptious)
  • AND Qoya

Qoya is based on the idea that through movement, we remember. We remember our essence is wise, wild and free. Wise, wild and free also draw reference to the movement forms that we practice. Wise- the wisdom of yoga. Wild- the creative expression in dance. Free- expanding our capacity to enjoy being in our bodies through sensual movement. When it feels good that’s when you know you’re doing it right. And, oh boy did it feel good!



Let’s talk about the art of letting go. It’s so fucking hard, right? I have spent a lot of time and energy recently focussing on this one thing. After all, how can we even contemplate what we desire if shit is still stuck to us?

As most of you will know, this year I ended a relationship. It was hard, it was painful and I really hope it never happens again. But, it was the best thing I could have done. Next I spent a lot of time forgiving myself. I have no idea when it started but I am a real bitch to myself. I would never talk to anyone the way I talk to myself. I needed to be kind to myself, and to tell myself I am worthy. A huge thing for me has been accepting that not everything is in my control. I desperately needed to losen my grip, at work, in relationships and every area in between.

Something unexpected that has hit me in the past few months is how incredibly vulnerable I am. For those of you who haven’t met me, I definitely fall into the extrovert category. I will walk into any room or situation without batting an eyelid. I will talk to anyone and feel perfectly at home. As my mum says, I could sell ice to the Eskimos. And yet, somewhere hidden in all of that, I am just a little girl wanting a hug and for someone to tell me that everything is going to be okay. I had no idea how strong this feeling was. Somewhere along the line I buried myself so deep under the loud laughter that the little girl got lost. Which brings me onto Fear. Motherfucking Fear.

imageHands up who isn’t scared? Well, if your hands are up then you’re a fucking liar. We all have our own fears, each and everyone of us. Facing those fears is incredibly painful and really bloody hard, but it’s not an excuse to hold onto them.

I have had two conversations recently which have stuck with me. The first was with a friend who has been on and off in his relationship. He doesn’t actually need to say any words to see that he knows it needs to be permanently off. But, he’s scared. He’s scared of hurting her, scared of hurting himself and most of all, like so many of us, he is really scared of the unknown. The second conversation was with a stranger this weekend. She is hating her job. As she shared her inner most fears and desires with me I physically felt her fear of moving away from a job which no longer serves her. She is stuck. Like my friend, she knows exactly what she should do. Don’t we all, deep down?

I have worked so hard on self-improvement and managing my bipolar over the years that I am not going to lie to you, facing your fears is really hard work. The question is, do you want to stay in a relationship/job that is not working and making you miserable? Focus on the answer to that and then work really, really hard on the solution. The other truth is that things will be so much better once you have faced your fears. I promise.

My next challenge for myself is looking in the mirror and saying “I love you” until I believe myself. I am petrified and want to cry already. But, I will do it!

What fears do you need to face and release as the year draws to a close?

This has been my theme tune this year, play it REALLY loud and shake that shit off!


What do you desire most in the world?image

Oh my goodness, this question excites me sooooo much that I am grinning ear to ear as I write it. I can’t help but think of everything I am grateful for right now. This year, despite some incredibly low points, has been amazing for me. I have grown so much, I have the most wonderful friendships (old & new), I have fulfilled so many passions, and had the best adventure EVER with my soulmate, Natalie.

The thing with your desires is you really need to feel them. Imagine now, in this moment, that you had everything you desire. How does it feel? Embrace that feeing. Where do you feel it? I feel electric, from top to toe. Hold onto that feeling.

I am a firm believer that we can have everything we want in life. See it, feel it and work really fucking hard for it. Boom, it’s yours. It is all about your mindset. Okay, so sometimes things don’t pan out exactly as you had imagined but you still got what you asked for.

Start thinking now, what do you desire for 2015? How can you make that shit happen?

I’ll say it loud and proud now. I desire love. I have it in abundance in my life (how lucky am I?) but I really desire a relationship filled with laughter, fun, friendship and a lot of hot, steamy sex. Yes please! I also desire a family, these hips were totally made for child bearing! And, I’m greedy, I also desire to keep learning and growing as a person. I hope my words continue to be read and even if they are meaningful to just one of you then I’ll be happy.

Whatever your own desires for the forthcoming year I hope they come true for you.


To find out more about the retreat and the lovely ladies who ran it visit She is the Revolution  and The Laughing Medusa