What you are Vs Who you are Part I

Tough, isn’t it? Knowing you. Knowing me. Highs and lows. Ups and downs. Not easy, is it? How we define ourselves ends up defining others. Rightly, or wrongly. You wake up one morning and everything seems higgledy-piggledy. Where to go?

How on earth do we juggle our emotions and still manage to stay sane? Well, in this day and age, it is no wonder that so many of us lose the plot. We wake up, go on auto pilot, get to work, get through the day, come home, go to bed, and occasionally manage to sleep. In those moments in-between, when we interact with each other, it is a rollercoaster. We see the worst and best in each other. Yet, when all is said and done, are we not all the same?

I’ve struggled to get through the past month. It’s been tough. When you have a mental illness I believe it’s even harder to find your way through the bad times. You not only battle with everyday hiccups but you question yourself constantly. There’s an uncertainty, you’re constantly afraid. Is the moment you that you go downhill? Will the smallest thing send you backwards? You doubt yourself. You feel out of control.

So, what do you do? Well, if you’re me, you freak the fuck out. Firstly, I feel lost. I have no focus, no inspiration. It feels like nothing is going right. I get stressed out, at the smallest things. Reason and logic have no place here anymore. It’s shit. But, despite the lows, I know that it’s only temporary, and yet this makes it even harder. Logically I know all is well but I still can’t stop the way I feel. Help!

This is the time to slow down, right down. It’s the time when no decisions should be made. No matter how hard it is you have to accept that this isn’t permanent. It’s life, not everything is perfect, and that is okay. You feel like crap, you’re stressed and you want to hide away from the world. It’s okay. And, that is where you start.

This is where you have a choice. I could crumble. I could hide away. Or, you can accept. Accept that today is not your finest moment. Today is not the happiest time. But, today is just a moment in time and you WILL ride it out. And, you WILL get past it. For a split second you’ll doubt yourself. You shouldn’t. Shake it off. It is just temporary. Maybe it’s a day, a week, a month, whatever. You WILL come through the other side. It might be work, it could be love, lust, or maybe it’s just you. Stop. Take a moment. Breathe. Tell yourself that it is just a moment.

I’ve struggled to get through the past month. It’s been tough. When you have a mental illness I believe it’s even harder to find your way through the bad times. But, I know it is only temporary. I may not be perfect, but who is? Tomorrow will be different. I am not the person I was yesterday, and tomorrow I will be even more than I am today. Some days will be worse than others, and that’s okay. If you’re reading this and feeling today is not okay then know you’re not alone. Know that you’re not the only one to feel the way you do. But, most of all, know that this feeling is just temporary. We are all the same, and together we will all be better. What you feel is not who you are. Never forget that.

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