When You Break Your Own Heart

I recently ended my relationship. It is perhaps one of the hardest things I have ever done. Being a recovering Bipolar sufferer I was not only faced with breaking someone’s heart for the first time but I also faced my own heartbreak with a logical mind, for the first time ever. I questioned myself several times wondering whether heartache was best felt without sound, mind, or reason. I concluded it didn’t matter. A broken heart is a broken heart no mater what the rhyme or reason. No matter how painful and new the experience was, knowing with absolute certainty that my decision came from a place of love, and not one of hate, fear, or madness, made it the right decision. I felt deep in my heart and soul that I had made the right choice.

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Published by Over The Moon Magazine

Dr Seaus

Work: Do Less. Stress Less.‏

Whether you work for yourself or for an organisation, none of us are immune to work overload and being overwhelmed by it All.

I have been drowning recently. My Outlook calendar has exploded, with my head soon to follow suit. I have so many To Do lists that they have formed a brand new ecosystem.

I love my job but everyday at the moment I have a burning desire to jump out of the window. There must be an alternative route that leads to The Other Side, surely? Shirley?

Naturally I began by consulting Google. Unfortunately it is all very well hearing “Get good sleep” however when the work Gremlins won’t shut up at night this isn’t so easy. I try to eat well BUT pizza can be ready in ten minutes. What’s a gal to do.

I needed new advice, and fast. How exactly do we Save time and do less?

Do You Say No?

Erm, massive fail on my part here. Not only have I recently realised I have a compulsive need to please, but also the word ‘No’ is lacking in my vocabulary. How do you say no? Well, as I have found out it actually is not that hard. Surprise!

Firstly, I made a priority “To do” list away from its sibling so there was no possible way it would be integrated into the newly formed society, where all ‘To do’s’ go to whither and disappear from sight.

Next I looked at the absolute must do’s. Be ruthless! Anything else politely decline, delay or delegate (Note: there is no need to apologise profusely, apparently).

Are You Delegating Enough?

I have only recently learnt the art of delegation, and admittedly I still have a lot to learn. Are you a delegatophobe too?

The important thing here I have learnt is to speak up. It is hard to admit when we need help but you cannot do it all, none of us are superhuman. Whether you are a manager or not, you can always ask a colleague to help you. If you work for yourself then think who in your network could you seek assistance from. Like anything it is a case of forming the habit. So, go! Delegate away.

Is Everything on Your To-Do List Necessary?

Are you sure? Read it again then again. This really worked for me. What is the worst that could happen if you weren’t to do something? Okay so, no the world won’t end but is anyone going to be hurt by that piece of work not being actioned. Write down the potential outcomes of the task not being completed, you may well be surprised.

Once again, speak up. Don’t suffer in silence. I have been there many a time and it is painful. People around you will be more than willing to help you but they need to know that you need it. I get so lost in my bubble of hecticness I frequently can’t see the wood for the trees. Finding my way out isn’t possible without seeking help.

Are All of the Recurring Meetings on Your Calendar Necessary?

Call me a freak but I have a habit of booking meetings for an hour, even though I have every intention of bish, bash, boshing them within half an hour. Chances are most recurring meetings are not necessary, or even if there is a requirement will a 5 minute phone call not suffice, or an email update?

For One-Off Meetings, is Your Default Length Too Long?

See above. The shorter and snappier the better. Let’s face it, who amongst us wants to be in a meeting any longer than is absolutely necessary.

Do You Even Need a Meeting at All?

See ‘Do You Say No?’.

Are you really needed at the meeting? Again, will a 5 minute phone call not suffice, or an email update? Unless you are absolutely crucial to a meeting it is unlikely in all honesty that you will missed. You can always ask for an update after the event. Panic not.

Are You a Slave to Your Inbox?

Golly, who isn’t these days? If it’s you please let me know your secret.

Technology is amazing yet totally suffocating. I have recently started unsubscribing from a lot of email updates, I had to, it was all too much.

Having suffered some time with a compulsive need to respond to emails immediately I now refrain from doing so. If possible I will call someone, to avoid the subsequent email ping-pong. Just pick up the phone instead!

As Alex Cavoulacos wisely says:

Give yourself permission to archive irrelevant cold emails and FYI emails you’re cc:ed or bcc:ed on. Saying no to email is key to making time for real work.

Taking the time out to reassess your workload, priorities and your approach is invaluable.

For many of us who carry the additional load of Depression & Anxiety et al this can be a million times harder. As we know, the smallest thing can tip us over the edge. Don’t despair. From experience the starting point is simply to stop. Just pause. Allow yourself to just be. Then write it all down, off load everything onto paper, as much as possible. Let it all out. Give yourself permission to take the time to reassess. Go outside. Get some Headspace. See your therapist. Practice Mindfulness. Take the time out to do things that make you feel better. Go back to basics then start afresh. Work is never more important than your own wellbeing. Ever.

Slow and steady wins the race.

May The Thoughts Be With You

May The Thoughts Be With You

Magpies and Ladders Co-working with WeWork

WeWork is the community of creators. We transform buildings into beautiful, collaborative workspaces and provide infrastructure, services, events and technology so our members can focus on doing what they love.

We have an incredibly diverse mix of members – startups, small businesses, freelancers, writers, independent film makers, you name it. One thing they all share is an entrepreneurial spirit. Being a part of this powerful community helps them achieve much more together than they could individually.

Dream. Dare. Do.

In three weeks I am heading off for a month of travel. Me, a rucksack and a best friend at my side. Like the name Magpies and Ladders this particular dream has been swirling around in my head for years.

Sat in my pyjamas, watching Eat, Prey, Love on a Saturday morning, unapologetically romanticizing, I consider the cliché that is me. I am surrounded by self-help books, meditation CDs and affirmations. Like so many I feel lost at times. Unlike many I am blessed with the ability and finances to enable to me step away from my daily bubble. While I fully appreciate the luxury of this opportunity I am also conscious that while most will continue to dream of doing, I will always endeavour to dare to do it.

When I began Magpies and Ladders I had no idea what I was doing. Driven by the craving to create I didn’t have a clue about setting up a blog. As demonstrated by my first ever post, I picked the first tangible thing I could write about and just did it. Initially I was so afraid. Ultimately I was scared of rejection. All I wanted to do was write and give back, but was I good enough?

Everything I have written has come from a place of openness and honesty. It has all felt right. That authenticity is what I believe makes it more than good enough. Is this not perhaps reflective of the way in which we should all be living our lives? Grounded in truth with an open heart and fearless mind.

It is all too easy to get lost in the daily grind. Most of us at some point find ourselves gripping onto something to ‘save’ us, whether it be relationships, work, self-help. It is all the same old shit just wrapped up in a different package. Surely for all of us the answers lie inside ourselves. So, what makes the difference?

With the right attitude and intention, we can live a life of blessings — even miracles — with ease and grace. ~ Gala Darling

I got here through hard work. I spent hours teaching myself WordPress and made the commitment to write consistently. My day job funds my passions. I worked hard to earn every penny that will pay for my upcoming adventure. I relentlessly strived to overcome my illness and I continue to be driven to find the inner peace and happiness which we all deserve.

It is very easy to see other people’s lives in greener grass or unobtainable. Some people are blessed with advantages that others do not have. But, are we all not capable of having a dream and daring to do everything we can to bring that dream alive?

I am okay with being a cliché at times. I am okay with romanticizing. What I will never be okay with is settling for less. My dreams may take years to become reality but I will always dare to do. Will you?

George Eliot

Opening Up and Letting Go

At the beginning the year I decided it was time to Slow Down and Let Go. Apparently neither are easy to do. After a session with the lovely Robyn I realised exactly how much I have been holding onto.

I rush everywhere. I give constantly, not only because I want to and can but, as it turns out, I am gripped with a need to please. I try to do a zillion things at once. It is no wonder I feel as exhausted as I do.

How do we really learn to let go?

As I sat in Regents Park looking at my four year old self, with her hideous bowl cut, I realised how early the I-am-not-good-enough seed had been planted. When I came to face my fifteen year old self only two words came out of her mouth, “Help Me”. I sat vulnerable with tears running down my face staring at a vast ocean with little and littler me telling them the truth; it will all be okay. Promise.

When you look at yourself what do you see? Running through life preoccupied by what others think of us and questioning ourselves, it is easy to forget that sometimes all that is needed is to stop.

I know I am worth it and yet my feelings seem anchored in the past. If I am honest I have felt this weight for some time now and yet the force of these feelings took me by surprise that day in the park.

How much does it take to really open up and let go? I wish I had the answer to give you, hopefully someday I will.

We are all fallible, though it is easy to forget. One of my eyelids droops lower than the other. I constantly battle with my eating and weight. I struggle to say no. I judge others. Comparisons eat away at me. I would never ever be as critical to another person as I am to myself. I could go on.

All I really know for now is that it is all okay, and that I am right where I need to be at this moment in time. I am who I am today because of what has gone before and I deserve to open up to receive, instead of constantly giving. There is a softness inside of me that needs to break free. My eyes feel heavy and a gigantic fur ball of emotions is lodged in my throat needing to be coughed up to enable me to release my voice.

I can’t help but wonder if for some time now I have been hiding behind the remnants of my bipolar, afraid to face the things that simply make me human. Am I  actually afraid to slow down and face all that I need to let go of?

Robyn has given me a fresh starting point and made me realise that I have a lot more healing to do. Asking for help isn’t always easy but sometimes we have to acknowledge that we can’t do everything by ourselves.

Let’s talk… Energy, Empathy and Intuition with Robyn Silverton

I first met Robyn Silverton when I arrived late one morning for her and Rebecca Campbell’s Spirited Sunday. Despite my tardiness Robyn opened the door to me with a warmth that made me feel as if I were being welcomed into her own home.

The next time we met was in the beautiful surroundings of Regents Park for a bit of Sole to Soul. Her unique session combined a blend of walking, talking and guidance surrounded by nature, and a peacock. It was exactly what I needed. Without expectations I let myself fall into her healing hands and open heart as I sat in vulnerability, gaining insight and perspective.

As Robyn tells me how she could spend hours listing her own faults, providing me with a well needed reminder that we are all fallible, I see a woman with an incredibly big heart, and a warmth and softness I just want to nest into.

Meet Robyn Silverton.

rs1

How has your own personal journey influenced your work?

Like many in the healing professions, my passion for guiding people to enjoy their best health comes from a consequence of my own life experience. Born with a rare blood disorder, I have had challenging times on the health front. My early years spent in haematology clinics established an acute awareness of how people feel when compromised by illness. Fear was palpable in these hospital settings. I had a strong sense of this as a young girl and use this understanding today to help others overcome their perceived limits.

How does your work help others?

rs3In all areas of my work – Energy Integration, Intuitive Guidance and Yoga – I aim to help people regain a sense of freedom about themselves. They may be looking for a physical change, but just as likely, there will be emotional and mental aspects to their healing. In my experience, when we are helped to create space for ourselves energy can flow in a healthier way. It is this process of reconnecting with ourselves at all levels that is vital to bring about the shift we are looking for.

Why is the place where energy and empathy meet important to you?

With a background in Science (as a Physio) I have spent 25 years developing empathetic awareness. This ability to step into someone else’s shoes is at the core of how I work with clients. However, what people come to me for is change (of all shapes and sizes) and for that to occur ‘energy’ is needed to catalyse the process. Experience shows me that it is the combination of empathetic listening and conscious action that brings about personal transformation.

How would you describe intuition and its purpose?

For me, intuition is a knowing – a sense about something or someone that usually comes as a non-rational download. It may manifest through any of your five sense or sometimes even beyond them. Its main purpose seems to be to help us return to a place of trust and connection in the bigger picture, rather than living from a place of control in our thinking minds. Acting on these intuitive hits often makes no sense at the time but becomes clear at a later date. It is important to note that we are all intuitive and use it everyday in one way or another. To hone intuition – which truly adds an extra dimension to our lives – we need to factor in daily quiet time (even just 5 minutes) because with a still mind it is much easier to hear!

What is the key to seizing our spirits? untitled9

This strapline resonated with me because it best describes the whole mantra behind any of the sessions I offer. My role is to see the true spirit of you and understand what may be limiting you from living from it. Together we find the best way for you to access the voice of your heart (home of spirit) and the trust and confidence to honour it. It is this balance between tuning in and then acting out that ‘Seize your Spirit’ describes.

What does Holistic living mean to you?

That wise man, Aristotle, said,

The Whole is greater than the sum of its parts’

This is exactly the philosophy that Holistic living embodies.

On a practical level, this involves viewing the mind, body and spirit as inextricably linked and treating it accordingly.

A classic example is the overworked man with chronic back pain who only gets temporary relief with physical treatment. However, when he looks at the underlying pressures in his life and his belief patterns about worth and success he is able to move on.

Similarly, the woman with chronic fatigue who is always trying to be the perfect wife, perfect mother, perfect friend and perfect professional has much greater energy and overall health once she addresses self-acceptance.

These are two micro cases, the macro picture of Holistic living for me is having an active awareness that we are all connected to one another and our environment. Therefore our choices have a much wider and deeper effect on the world than we may first realise.

rs4What is your message to cynics, sceptics, and the intrigued?

Most of us at some point in our lives feel for whatever reason we are not on a path that is true to ourselves. In these times, we have a choice…

Option one: to continue as before, on the well-trodden path that got us here, or option two: adopt some self-awareness practices, which will help provide some answers and adjustments. It seems like a no-brainer!

Finally, what are your top five tips for self-love?

  1. Five minutes daily to focus on your breath
  2. Do lots of what makes you smile
  3. When the voice of your inner-critic pipes ups, counter-act it with a compliment to yourself
  4. Give something from your heart everyday – e.g. a hug, make a coffee or tea for someone
  5. Finish everyday with three things that you are grateful for

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