The Many Faces of Love and Lust‏

Not so long ago I was asked if I write about sex a la Carrie Bradshaw style. Having a number of experiences up my sleeve it has crossed my mind.

I have always been sexually liberated, I couldn’t imagine being otherwise. I believe that sex should be talked about openly between couples and friends. Women shouldn’t feel ashamed being sexually open, in talking about sex, masturbation, or about their bodies. No. And yet, there still remains a wide gender gap where men become legends and women are labelled in many a derogatory way.

In short, I don’t give a fuck. Label me what you will, I will never be packed into a tiny little box.

I can’t colour enough, I would colour all day every day If I had my way, I would use every crayon in my box. ~ Samantha Jones

While I am quite comfortable talking about it all I will always believe that what happens intimately between two people is between them only. (okay, okay, and maybe your bestest friend who is as equally as open as you are.) That said, if I send naughty (tut tut) messages and images then I do so with trust in the recipient, and also in the knowledge that once it’s out there it ain’t comin’ back baby!

I’ll only play at being submissive if I’m turned on by it, and if a guy won’t go down on me then he can leave. This doesn’t make me a feminist, it makes me sensible. Harsh social judgments have no place here and if a man views my openness as something dirty then clearly he isn’t the guy for me. His loss.

I’m not afraid of my sexuality, it is just as much a part of me as my integrity, kindness, silliness and creativity. It shouldn’t define me. I am made up of many things, of which being sexually liberated just so happens to be one.

So, having been asked the question about whether I would write about sex, I started to reflect upon the men who have been a part of my life, love and lust. I couldn’t help but wonder:

I don’t want to be the up-the-butt girl, because I mean… Men don’t marry up-the-butt girl. Whoever heard of Mrs. Up-The-Butt? . ~ Charlotte York

The one who was the first

All the girls loved him. He gave me my first orgasm and many more. He made me a mix tape then he made me cry. He cultivated my love of lust in the outdoors, for that I am very grateful.

The one who broke me

More mentally unstable than I was, the emotional abuse almost destroyed me.  It took me over a decade to even start to forgive him for the hurt he caused me. He introduced me to porn, sex shops, sex toys and more.

The one who got away

I can still hear the sound of my heart snap as his final words echoed through me. To this day he is one of the nicest people I have ever known. A good boy who became a good man, just not the one for me. The first baby blues to make me swoon.

The one(s) who should have been a one night stand

Yeah, there’s a few. I never seem to have grasped the concept, neither have a lot of men it seems. I finally realised that when one night turns into a week, turns into a month, then more, it’s actually called a casual relationship. Passionate, fun but never really what I want.

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good. ~ Woody Allen

The one(s) who belonged to someone else

Hangs head in shame, hands up it hasn’t always been unknowingly. The trouble is when you’re fun and carefree you really attract those who want to have the whole cake, know what I mean? No need to hate on me ladies, one of these little toerags kindly gave me Herpes. Karma’s a bitch, but damn she’s good.

The one(s) a lot younger (but legal)

Guilty. I love them! I know, great sex does not a marriage proposal make but, oh boy is it good.

Being single used to mean that nobody wanted you. Now it means you’re pretty sexy and you’re taking your time deciding how you want your life to be and who you want to spend it with. ~ Carrie Bradshaw

The one who set my pants on fire

Hot, sweaty, thunderstorm, movie sex. No further comment required.

The one whose heart I broke

I loved him so much. We were the best of friends and great lovers. It just wasn’t meant to be.

The one I have yet to meet

He’s the one who stays when I am at my worst and I can’t get out of bed, let alone light up a room. He is my equal in everything and opens my eyes to things I have yet to imagine. He makes me cum every time, because he wants to. The rest I couldn’t possibly know, as we have yet to meet.

The most important one
photo

What’s the big mystery? It’s my clitoris, not the sphinx. ~ Miranda Hobbs

Digital Detox, could you?

I have made the decision, January is Digital Detox month. Yes.

As I listened to the totally awesome Lisa Luxx the other day I realised exactly how much of my time is spent on social media, it’s ridiculous. As Lisa told the tale of how she went without technology for two months I knew it was my time.

Since starting this site admittedly I have utilised social media more than previously, however 75% of my time online is still spent fannying around and is a total waste of time. The trouble is that it’s addictive, right?

By the end of 2013, Facebook boasted 1.23bn monthly active usersworldwide, adding 170m in just one year. According to Facebook, 757m users log on to Facebook daily, as of 31 December 2013.

Facebook, love it or loathe it, it changed life as we knew it. I joined in 2007 after returning from working in the states. I still love it for the very reason I joined, it keeps you connected to those who are not on your doorstep. That’s pretty cool when you think about it. However, ironically, while we may be more “connected” research consistently reminds us of the real life isolation social media has brought to many.

24m Britons log on to Facebook each day

Life envy. Fear of missing out. Validation. Stalking has never been so easy. A friend of mine once learnt the whole life story about her ex’s new girlfriend in a matter of minutes – name, age, job and where she lived. That is fucking scary. Personally I’m an open book so I don’t really mind what people know about me. I’m shit at stalking, as I either get bored or forget what I’m doing and end up “liking” everything. Tool. Although, admittedly about once a month I nose at the profile of an overseas lover, just to remind myself how darn cute he is. Shhh, don’t tell.

What day is it?”
It’s today,” squeaked Piglet.
My favorite day,” said Pooh
A.A Milne

So, in an effort to be more present and less concerned with other people’s dinner, pets, babies etc I am going cold turkey come January. What’s the worst that could happen?

My rules:

Only phone calls and texts allowed (which mainly applies to my mum, best friend, flat mate, personal trainer and Domino’s).
Phone hours are between 10am and 9pm.
No social media. (Yikes)
Hotmail can only be checked once a week (in case there’s a really, really important email, which I have probably never had but…)
Can use the interweb but only for Netflix et al (as I don’t have a tele)

Let the countdown begin.

The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.
Eleanor Roosevelt 

Retreat ~ Release ~ Desire

I LOVE New Year. I love looking back over the year and reflecting on achievements, losses, lessons and growth. I love the thought of those 365 blank pages to come, it’s an exciting and thrilling time.

I physically craved this weekend’s Full Moon Urban Retreat and dedicating a whole day to myself while surrounded by incredible like-minded women. As much as I adore the online community around me, there is nothing quite like forging those deep connections in person.

I daily high-five myself (loser) and celebrate the little things. As we come to the end of 2014 we all need to make the time to celebrate how far we have come and release anything which has held us back this year.

How often do you give yourself permission to rest and rejuvenate?

It’s time to dance with our desires, get clear on our heart’s deepest wishes, and learn the tools for making our wildest dreams come true in 2015.

The Full Moon Urban Retreat was all about placing yourself at the centre of your world and giving yourself permission to put you first. How often do You do that? What I really loved was that this was about self acceptance, not about self-improvement.

This is about recognizing that you are strong & wild at heart. Accepting that you are raw in some ways and polished like gold in others.

The day itself was made up of:

  • Kundalini kriyas and meditations, to help us bust through our blocks
  • Rituals, to help us get clear on our desires and figure out how to take action towards them without being desperate (note to self)
  • A session on creating a daily practice that will support us in living the life you dream of – because it’s what we do everyday that shapes us and our life
  • A guided relaxation to round out the day before we finish with homemade chocolate and the time to exchange details with all the new friends you’ve made (simply scrumptious)
  • AND Qoya

Qoya is based on the idea that through movement, we remember. We remember our essence is wise, wild and free. Wise, wild and free also draw reference to the movement forms that we practice. Wise- the wisdom of yoga. Wild- the creative expression in dance. Free- expanding our capacity to enjoy being in our bodies through sensual movement. When it feels good that’s when you know you’re doing it right. And, oh boy did it feel good!

image

Release

Let’s talk about the art of letting go. It’s so fucking hard, right? I have spent a lot of time and energy recently focussing on this one thing. After all, how can we even contemplate what we desire if shit is still stuck to us?

As most of you will know, this year I ended a relationship. It was hard, it was painful and I really hope it never happens again. But, it was the best thing I could have done. Next I spent a lot of time forgiving myself. I have no idea when it started but I am a real bitch to myself. I would never talk to anyone the way I talk to myself. I needed to be kind to myself, and to tell myself I am worthy. A huge thing for me has been accepting that not everything is in my control. I desperately needed to losen my grip, at work, in relationships and every area in between.

Something unexpected that has hit me in the past few months is how incredibly vulnerable I am. For those of you who haven’t met me, I definitely fall into the extrovert category. I will walk into any room or situation without batting an eyelid. I will talk to anyone and feel perfectly at home. As my mum says, I could sell ice to the Eskimos. And yet, somewhere hidden in all of that, I am just a little girl wanting a hug and for someone to tell me that everything is going to be okay. I had no idea how strong this feeling was. Somewhere along the line I buried myself so deep under the loud laughter that the little girl got lost. Which brings me onto Fear. Motherfucking Fear.

imageHands up who isn’t scared? Well, if your hands are up then you’re a fucking liar. We all have our own fears, each and everyone of us. Facing those fears is incredibly painful and really bloody hard, but it’s not an excuse to hold onto them.

I have had two conversations recently which have stuck with me. The first was with a friend who has been on and off in his relationship. He doesn’t actually need to say any words to see that he knows it needs to be permanently off. But, he’s scared. He’s scared of hurting her, scared of hurting himself and most of all, like so many of us, he is really scared of the unknown. The second conversation was with a stranger this weekend. She is hating her job. As she shared her inner most fears and desires with me I physically felt her fear of moving away from a job which no longer serves her. She is stuck. Like my friend, she knows exactly what she should do. Don’t we all, deep down?

I have worked so hard on self-improvement and managing my bipolar over the years that I am not going to lie to you, facing your fears is really hard work. The question is, do you want to stay in a relationship/job that is not working and making you miserable? Focus on the answer to that and then work really, really hard on the solution. The other truth is that things will be so much better once you have faced your fears. I promise.

My next challenge for myself is looking in the mirror and saying “I love you” until I believe myself. I am petrified and want to cry already. But, I will do it!

What fears do you need to face and release as the year draws to a close?

This has been my theme tune this year, play it REALLY loud and shake that shit off!

Desire

What do you desire most in the world?image

Oh my goodness, this question excites me sooooo much that I am grinning ear to ear as I write it. I can’t help but think of everything I am grateful for right now. This year, despite some incredibly low points, has been amazing for me. I have grown so much, I have the most wonderful friendships (old & new), I have fulfilled so many passions, and had the best adventure EVER with my soulmate, Natalie.

The thing with your desires is you really need to feel them. Imagine now, in this moment, that you had everything you desire. How does it feel? Embrace that feeing. Where do you feel it? I feel electric, from top to toe. Hold onto that feeling.

I am a firm believer that we can have everything we want in life. See it, feel it and work really fucking hard for it. Boom, it’s yours. It is all about your mindset. Okay, so sometimes things don’t pan out exactly as you had imagined but you still got what you asked for.

Start thinking now, what do you desire for 2015? How can you make that shit happen?

I’ll say it loud and proud now. I desire love. I have it in abundance in my life (how lucky am I?) but I really desire a relationship filled with laughter, fun, friendship and a lot of hot, steamy sex. Yes please! I also desire a family, these hips were totally made for child bearing! And, I’m greedy, I also desire to keep learning and growing as a person. I hope my words continue to be read and even if they are meaningful to just one of you then I’ll be happy.

Whatever your own desires for the forthcoming year I hope they come true for you.

image

To find out more about the retreat and the lovely ladies who ran it visit She is the Revolution  and The Laughing Medusa

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Are you ready? #awakenyourspiritfor2015

London is stirring and it’s exciting. Mind, body and soul she is being shaken up from her core.

Maybe you’ve heard the rumours, seen the juice bars, questioned mindfulness and contemplated yoga. It doesn’t matter where you are on your spiritual journey, it’s just friggin’ awesome you’re here!
Last Saturday over 30 kindered spirits came together at one of my favourite spaces in town, the charming Celestine Eleven. The order of the day made me squeak in excitement.

The afternoon kicked off with the lovely Lou discussing How to Embrace Change. Her aim was to bring us a fresh and safeimage perspective on change and how to care for ourselves and be less anxious as we enter into the unknown.

How do you feel as we turn the corner into the blank pages of new year? It’s easy to feel afraid of the uncertaintly but as a wise chap once said:

The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new. ~ Socrates, Way of the Peaceful Warrior by Dan Millman

Get excited! As Lou wonderfuly expressed, life isn’t a straight line leading us from A-B, life is like a slinky! Life is constant movement and cycles with points of change. Embrace it. Remind yourself that your past got you where you are today and forgive. Enjoy the magic carpet ride of life! Once you get excited change is no longer a scary place. Trust the journey and ensure that your decision making process is rooted in solid ground. Fears hold hands with each other so guys, cut those fuckers lose!

JODY SHIELD

imageJody radiates so much I just want to nest under her glow, period. Her Heal and Release section of the afternoon was to bring us a powerful healing and release group Light Grids clearing session. To let go of what no longer serves us so that we are ready to move forwards on our journey. Not only do I find such sessions pretty peersonal experiences but also I can’t do Jody justice in writing. So, I’ll simply urge you to be curious and to find out more about the magic of her work.

We have a resonsibility to bring change and to be the light in someone elses darkness. ~ Jody Shield

ADDICTIVE DAUGHTER

Let’s face it folks, it really is time to Get Addicted to the Good Stuff!

Joey and Pesia’s stories really resonated with me. I have worked really hard on forgiving myself for so, so much, it’s tough. It’s taken a long time to shake off the guilt and shame, I still cringe occasionally. These ladies are doing such a fantastic job, ten years ago I would have been so grateful for the help they offer.

During the final session of the afteroon the girls brought us 8 Spiritual Tools to help us become the healthiest, happiest, bestest versions of ourselves for 2015. Boy, what a gift! As they rightly stated, today’s culure promotes a sense of having to look outside of ourselves to find happiness, and it is a completly unrealistic expectation.

It’s time to ask yourself, where are you sat on the tapestry of life? Are you looking at the full picture?

Be kind to yourself.

Through Darkness Diamonds Spread Their Richest Light.

Look at those around you, do they light you up or bring you down?

Be open to HP (Higher Power/God/The Universe). Maybe you feel it now, maybe you are ready to open your mind to more, maybe it is still too soon. Wherever you are, just keep your mind open, you never know what you might miss.

Signs and synchronicities, or as the girls say Be open to the owls. My owls happen to be white feathers. Persia has dinosaurs, and why the hell not. Whatever your signs are, they are all around you reminding you that you are looked after. Open your eyes and you’ll see them.

Perhaps one of the scariest peices of advice they gave was that before you go into the light you have to look at the darkess. Bringing us full circle back to Lou’s pearls of wisdom. Our past is what got us here today and forgiveness is a radical act of freedom and self-compassion. This is by no means an overight fix. Only by introducing daily practice into your life does the light firmly shine through. Find what works for you through meditation, mindfulness, diet, exercise.

Remember, your past is the key to your future. Don’t go back to sleep. You are here for a reason reading this. Keep an open mind and heart, and maybe we’ll see you next time!

image

SOCIAL MEDIA

Want to join us in using #awakenyourspiritfor2015 on your social posts? Let’s shake things up London…and beyond!

Louise Androlia: TwitteInstagram  Facebook  Email  Website

Jody Shield: TwitteFacebook  Email  Website

Addictive Daughter: TwitteInstagram  Facebook  Email  Website

If you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely. ~ Roald Dahl

Mental Health ~ How can YOU help

Universal issues require a unified solution. Surprise!

7 people have died waiting for beds since 2012 due to alleged failures by the UK National Health Service. Clearly something must be done the news screams, as they continue to finger point in anger. Is the Beeb’s article today that much of a shocker? What is more of a concern is that not once do they attempt to address any form of a solution. There are no links to support available or advice, only routes to more damning articles. How does that help the issue?

The NHS, and anyone else we wish to criticise today, are only human. As my mum wisely said when I stood crying over my first broken heart, we are all fallible darling, no one is perfect. So, it stands to reason that collectively we are a fucking liability. Throw into the mix political agendas and money, well, there’s no hope.

I too am guilty of taking my frustrations out on the NHS, the service and support isn’t acceptable. But, what improvement does ranting make? Nurses won’t be paid what they deserve, people will still suffer and fingers will continue to point. Then we can do it all again tomorrow folks.

I was going to dazzle and depress you with suicide figures, what’s the point. We need to change it, not dwell on it.

The only statistic you really need to know is that today approximately 25% of the people you come into contact with will suffer with mental health issues. Fact. The question we should all be asking ourselves is, “What can I do to help?”

Let me ask you this, would you rather look a complete tit saying the wrong thing, or say nothing at all? Do you really want to finger point and remain part of the problem, or, help to be part of the solution? Time is too precious guys, and we’re all worth more than media manipulation and playing silly buggers.

So, what can you do?

  • Talk. Numero uno error; silence is avoidance. Whether you yourself are suffering or you know someone who is, just talk.
  • It really is the little things. The smallest of actions can make the biggest difference.
  • You’re not expected to be an expert, and if you have never experienced mental health issues then you couldn’t/shouldn’t be expected to know much about them. If you’ve never broken a leg or had the flu then you wouldn’t know how that feels, would you.
  • It is often awkward. Accept the discomfort, it will become easier but you have to start somewhere.
  • Simply remind someone you care. Just receiving a text saying “Thinking of you.” can mean the world to someone.
  • Try not to act as if you are talking to someone with two heads, that’s just silly.
  • Sometimes space is best. If you are confronted by a wall when trying to talk to someone then take a step back. Continue to check-in with them and give them time.
  • Know when to seek further advice. Never put pressure on yourself or feel overwhelmed. Check out the further links below, consult your GP or talk to a friend/family member.
  • Simply ask someone what you can do and how you can help. We’re all different and very few of us are psychic .
  • Take on an initiative in your workplace. Education is key! Mind’s taking care of business campaign aims to assist employers and employees in tackling issues surrounding mental health at work.  
  • Campaign. Raise awareness and influence policy. Your voice counts, use it!

You are not alone.

Further Links: