Digital Detox, could I?

January Facebook status would have read:

Fixed a toilet, am now DIY Goddess

Read a book

Living Home Alone. Hope I don’t get eaten by Alsatians, become a Celine Dion fan or injure myself with epic power grabs.

Squatted with 40kg. I rock!

Read a magazine that didn’t include glossy pictures/gossip/fat celebs/thin celebs/and other people who mean nothing to me

Bought weightlifting shoes. I love them. #ShoePorn

I love Taylor Swift.

Lost half a stone in three weeks, feel amazing

Read another book

Wine and dairy free for a whole month. Who am I? #BringBackTheCheese

But it didn’t, and I don’t think the world even noticed. The best part was, neither did I.

What can only be described as my best month in a long, long time was Facebook free. I bloody loved it. I didn’t miss a thing. In that month only one person, who I don’t speak to on a regular basis, messaged me to check I was okay, as they hadn’t seem much of me on Facebook. Telling, right?

I saw and spoke to the people that really matter day to day. I focused on myself. Brené Brown taught me about the power of vulnerability, I grew. I became more present. I listened, like REALLY listened. Kristen Neff taught me about self compassion, I grew some more. My attention improved. I gained so much time from not pissing around online.  I focused on myself even more.

I felt more connected to others than I had in ages. Ironic, right, considering the tagline reads “Stay Connected.” Facebook lies and has built its billions on that lie. Pretty darn impressive.

Rather than look into the window of the lives of others I lived my own life, appreciating those people who are in my ‘real’ life. From the best friends & family I love, to my awesome colleagues who I laugh the days away with each week. It really hit me how fucking lucky I am. Why on earth would I want to spend hours a week in the fake world online when everything I really need is right in front of me?

I went outside more. Cardio, weights and yoga become my best buddies. I felt better and better day by day. My diet improved. I surrounded myself in flowers, incense sticks and wise words. I felt content.

I love taking photos but what is on Instagram or Facebook pales into insignificance against what is in my memory. That’s where the real treasure lies. I don’t need to share my life with the world, its moments are priceless and perfect just the way they are. No validation needed. I know how awesome my life is without being told, and for that I am beyond grateful.

I have met so many incredible people online but nothing beats spending time with them in person or reading a real book absorbing life-changing words. I love Google, it knows everything. But, I survived without it. (although not Google Maps, risk assessment said that had to stay in my life).

Emails, well, I could cry thinking about the number of hours I have wasted checking them everyday for years. Once a week could have turned into once a month and I don’t think the world would have ended. Praise be to Unroll Me.

Digital detox, I could. Best decision I have made in like, erm, forever. Do it! Stay real. Be present. Enjoy it!

Digital Detox, could you?

 

 

 

 

 

What would you tell your younger self?

I dreamt that I had a chance to relive my younger youth with all the knowledge I had acquired the first time around.

I have taught myself over the years to release the past and to cut the cord on all that held me back. I considered that to be complete, however I had never asked myself this question before; what would I tell my younger self? It turns out, rather a lot.

Your body ~ Okay, so you get your periods, hips ‘n’ tits by the time you are 12, this sucks, a lot. You are not a freak, you’re just ahead of the game. You’re not fat, ugly or disgusting and those thoughts have no place anywhere, now or at any point in the future. You need your body, love it, it’s incredible. Nurture it. Sleep. Exercise. Definitely dance, a lot.

Eating – Food is your friend, use it to nurture your body. Stop starving yourself, binging and purging. You are only hurting yourself.

Education ~ Learn, it’s a gift. All the things you think are important at school are not. Show up, do the work and you will enjoy it so much more than all the other distractions. Continue with your A-levels and go to University. Keep learning, it lights you up.

Boys (to men) ~ Boys will come and go, don’t get so hung up on it all. Rejection feels hideous but just because someone doesn’t like you it doesn’t mean you are ugly/fat/disgusting/a failure/not worthy etc. etc. Stay away from anyone who makes you feel less than awesome. Never settle for anything less than extraordinary.

Sex ~ It isn’t love. You’ll have plenty of it and you will love it. Don’t use it, abuse it or mistake it for something it is not.

Smoking ~ Don’t, just don’t. It will be the one regret you carry with you. You know it’s dangerous, listen to what you know.

Alcohol ~ For every fun time there will be ten times the amount of shit moments. Know when to stop and when it does not serve you.

Money ~ Respect it. Nothing you buy will fix anything so stop searching for quick fixes. Save, save, save!

Enthusiasm ~ Never lose this. It drives you through so much and draws others to you. It’s a gift to see the world with so much excitement.

People ~ Spend time with those who make you feel good, anyone else can do one.

Learn from every situation, good or bad.

Everything else in between ~ The spaces between are woven together with something that you can’t see. The threads that tie the sadness, anger and frustrations together, which make you feel fragmented and disconnected, are beyond your control. You are ill but you are not crazy. It is not who you are and it is not your fault. Accept the help on offer, including medication. Don’t give up, you are so much stronger than you realise yet.

As this New Year begins and intentions are set ask yourself, what would you tell your young self?  You may be surprised by the things that are still holding you back.

Let’s talk… Prowl Magazine, and Being Human & Mind Independent with Lisa Luxx

As soon as I heard her spoken word it was love. Anyone who tells it how it is and uses the word cunt correctly and so freely gets my vote straight off.

Plus, check out this list of totally sparkly awesomeness:

Preditor-in-Chief of PROWL. Published poet and artist. Writer for Sunday Times, Telegraph, Elle, Red, Tank, The Numinous and more. Founded Prowl magazine and Prowl House in a move to put positive and honest media into the world that celebrates what it is to be liberated and compassionate human beings. Doing so by forming an annex for the independent, radical movements of now.

Redefining Today with sexy, sassy splendour. Meet Lisa Luxx.

Lisa Luxx by Marco Zaffino

Tell us about Prowl Magazine

Prowl is the independent print publication for the post-net counter cultures. Provocative, radical and spiritual. We celebrate what it is to be human beings in a world full of machines. The artists and brands we feature are all independent. Most of the people profiled are folks I’ve encountered while knocking about as a psychedelic punk poet on both the underground and highly up-town creative scenes (hence why it’s a place that unites everyone from poetry brothel performers to Yoko Ono via Suki Waterhouse and the mad squatter of London). With Prowl I hope to encapsulate the energy amongst the independent renaissance at this poignant moment in history. I’m very inspired by Oz magazine too.

I’d worked for big national newspapers and magazines in the past and felt there was a real gap in the market for honesty. So I began Prowl as an opportunity to print all the voices and ideas that are otherwise censored or shut up. We do it all very visually, with a textured cover, pull out art work and pages of sheet music too so that the publication has a feel, sound and dynamic sight. I want it to engage with peoples senses as much as possible.

How has your own personal journey influenced your work?

Prowl started as a zine called Howl which I put together when I was supposed to be handing essays in at uni. It collated work from all the radical creatives within my circle. I went on to land top class jobs at the most recognisable publications in the UK and that’s where I learnt the skills to put together a magazine. I dropped out at the start of 2013 and went on a solo and independent digital detox 3 month road trip across the west coast of America. It was a chance to re-introduce myself to the present moment after being hooked to my mobile phone since I was 10 years old. The people I met through yakkety yakking with strangers on the streets and joining underground poetry gathering outside subway stations formed the pilot issue. That trip hugely inspired the lurch forward with Prowl and we had it created and distributed across England before the year was out.

How does your work help others?

I regularly get e-mails from different places all over the world, people saying they picked up Prowl in a shop and want to be part of the movement, or customers thanking me for putting these products out into the world which make them feel hope and safety in the fact that there is some force fighting the man in a peaceful and enlightened way that isn’t afraid to get their hands dirty.

Lisa LuxxMy poetry had elicited responses from women who have been so moved and empowered by my pro-sex feminism spoken word that they’ve been crying or cheering from utter love for their cunt! Others find my poetry inspires them to revolt, digital detox or love/feel/live/believe louder and more brazenly than they’ve done so before. It’s a pretty fucking awesome feeling to get these responses. I really believe if I can plant one seed of light in one human every day then I’ll live a fulfilled life with purpose.

What it is to be human; expressive, mind independent and “badly behaved today?

To create and express oneself in a non-virtual reality, to make art just for the sake of exploring the imagination you are lucky enough to have access to. To think for yourself and fight for what you believe in because if we all declare our independence the world will be such a rich and dynamic place to live. Don’t be fed decisions masked as choices – which university do you want to go to? You don’t have to go to any! Go learn the skills you need from a sorcerer in South America or sweet talk your way into your dream office and charm them into teaching you everything you need to learn. How much rent are you willing to pay? Fuck it, don’t pay rent, live in a squat or dog-sit regularly for a place to stay! Where shall we go drinking this weekend? Don’t go drinking, go foresting with your buddies or build a den or brew your own poison … you don’t need to spend money or drink booze to have fun and you don’t need to live conventionally to do it “successfully”. As for the badly behaved, it’s simple; don’t follow the rules that don’t work. People are perfectly capable of policing themselves but we have this stupid governmental system which gives middle-age, wealthy white men the opportunity to build the tracks on which we ride our train of life. Life is sacred, trust your human instincts to navigate your way through it rather than under the instruction of figure-heads who’ll never even know you existed.

Why do you believe the counter culture isn’t over?

There has never been more to counter, and in the age of aquarius after the outpouring of indigo light there’s no way the millions of people who are waking up to the universal truths are going to sit quietly.

2015 will be the year of…?

The wooden sheep! I think. A grounding year, earthy and soft. This is the year I’ll be putting out my directorial debut – I’m in production with my first poetry short film (about indigo’s and love called Wake Up/Indigo Love) – but also spending much time in deserts and caves working on a new poetry project. This will, hopefully, be a good year for incubating. Ready to launch wild in 2016 – the year of the fire monkey (!!!!)headshot by Olivia Sykes

What does Holistic living mean to you?

Treating your body and mind as the source of light which projects the feelings, moments and physical responses that make up your existence. Living holistically is about keeping that channel of light clear so that the light of your existence has clarity and thus reaches its full potential.

What is your message to cynics, sceptics, and the intrigued?

Why be a lit match when you could be a Catherine wheel?

Finally, what are your top five tips for self-love?

  • Digital detox. Turn your phone off at least an hour before bed and don’t turn it on again until you’ve showered, eaten and connected with yourself first in the morning.
  • Mindfulness. It’s everywhere right now and not for no reason. Let go of the authority in your voice that judges your thoughts, give space to conscious day dream, learn to respect the flow of ideas in your mind, regularly scan your body to get a solid picture of how exactly you’re feeling right now.
  • Play. Play a game alone or with friends. Using your imagination, thinking on your feet, being silly and experimenting with your free time are all excellent ways to liberate yourself.
  • Masturbate regularly. Orgasms are so important. Take yourself on the perfect date, spend lots of time in front of the mirror checking out all the things that make you damn sexy, light candles, play your favourite music and get tantric with yourself.
  • Dance. Too sleepy to meditate without snoozing? Time to start grooving. Become who you want to be through movement and explore the way you fill space.

Further Links

 

A story about Anxiety and Depression. What’s your mental illness story?

I have been blown away by the number of men this past year who have come to talk to me about mental illness, predominantly anxiety.

While 2.6% of the population experience depression and 4.7% have anxiety problems, as many as 9.7% suffer mixed depression and anxiety, making it the most prevalent mental health problem in the population as a whole. ~ Mental Health Foundation (UK)

We talk so often about inequality in gender and how women get a rough deal (We do.) but men so often get neglected in this equation. While society is telling me how to wear my face and what clothes horse I should become it still demands men should be (Grrr) men. Wouldn’t you say? Not cool.

Statistically the WHO recognises gender is a critical determinant of mental health and mental illness but more research is needed into the specifics. So, in the interim, we need to continue to breakdown The Stigma.

So, why not start today?

The following video is honest, brave, moving and deserves to be seen and shared. Will You help?

 

A Few Mental Health Statistics: Men & Women

  • Women are more likely to have been treated for a mental health problem than men (29% compared to 17%).This could be because, when asked, women are more likely to report symptoms of common mental health problems. (Better Or Worse: A Longitudinal Study Of The Mental Health Of Adults In Great Britain, National Statistics, 2003)
  • Depression is more common in women than men. 1 in 4 women will require treatment for depression at some time, compared to 1 in 10 men. The reasons for this are unclear, but are thought to be due to both social and biological factors. It has also been suggested that depression in men may have been under diagnosed because they present to their GP with different symptoms.  (National Institute For Clinical Excellence, 2003)
  • Women are twice as likely to experience anxiety as men. Of people with phobias or OCD, about 60% are female.  (The Office for National Statistics Psychiatric Morbidity report, 2001)
  • Men are more likely than women to have an alcohol or drug problem. 67% of British people who consume alcohol at ‘hazardous’ levels, and 80% of those dependent on alcohol are male. Almost three quarters of people dependent on cannabis and 69% of those dependent on other illegal drugs are male. (The Office for National Statistics Psychiatric Morbidity report, 2001)

 You are not alone.

Further Links

The Many Faces of Love and Lust‏

Not so long ago I was asked if I write about sex a la Carrie Bradshaw style. Having a number of experiences up my sleeve it has crossed my mind.

I have always been sexually liberated, I couldn’t imagine being otherwise. I believe that sex should be talked about openly between couples and friends. Women shouldn’t feel ashamed being sexually open, in talking about sex, masturbation, or about their bodies. No. And yet, there still remains a wide gender gap where men become legends and women are labelled in many a derogatory way.

In short, I don’t give a fuck. Label me what you will, I will never be packed into a tiny little box.

I can’t colour enough, I would colour all day every day If I had my way, I would use every crayon in my box. ~ Samantha Jones

While I am quite comfortable talking about it all I will always believe that what happens intimately between two people is between them only. (okay, okay, and maybe your bestest friend who is as equally as open as you are.) That said, if I send naughty (tut tut) messages and images then I do so with trust in the recipient, and also in the knowledge that once it’s out there it ain’t comin’ back baby!

I’ll only play at being submissive if I’m turned on by it, and if a guy won’t go down on me then he can leave. This doesn’t make me a feminist, it makes me sensible. Harsh social judgments have no place here and if a man views my openness as something dirty then clearly he isn’t the guy for me. His loss.

I’m not afraid of my sexuality, it is just as much a part of me as my integrity, kindness, silliness and creativity. It shouldn’t define me. I am made up of many things, of which being sexually liberated just so happens to be one.

So, having been asked the question about whether I would write about sex, I started to reflect upon the men who have been a part of my life, love and lust. I couldn’t help but wonder:

I don’t want to be the up-the-butt girl, because I mean… Men don’t marry up-the-butt girl. Whoever heard of Mrs. Up-The-Butt? . ~ Charlotte York

The one who was the first

All the girls loved him. He gave me my first orgasm and many more. He made me a mix tape then he made me cry. He cultivated my love of lust in the outdoors, for that I am very grateful.

The one who broke me

More mentally unstable than I was, the emotional abuse almost destroyed me.  It took me over a decade to even start to forgive him for the hurt he caused me. He introduced me to porn, sex shops, sex toys and more.

The one who got away

I can still hear the sound of my heart snap as his final words echoed through me. To this day he is one of the nicest people I have ever known. A good boy who became a good man, just not the one for me. The first baby blues to make me swoon.

The one(s) who should have been a one night stand

Yeah, there’s a few. I never seem to have grasped the concept, neither have a lot of men it seems. I finally realised that when one night turns into a week, turns into a month, then more, it’s actually called a casual relationship. Passionate, fun but never really what I want.

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good. ~ Woody Allen

The one(s) who belonged to someone else

Hangs head in shame, hands up it hasn’t always been unknowingly. The trouble is when you’re fun and carefree you really attract those who want to have the whole cake, know what I mean? No need to hate on me ladies, one of these little toerags kindly gave me Herpes. Karma’s a bitch, but damn she’s good.

The one(s) a lot younger (but legal)

Guilty. I love them! I know, great sex does not a marriage proposal make but, oh boy is it good.

Being single used to mean that nobody wanted you. Now it means you’re pretty sexy and you’re taking your time deciding how you want your life to be and who you want to spend it with. ~ Carrie Bradshaw

The one who set my pants on fire

Hot, sweaty, thunderstorm, movie sex. No further comment required.

The one whose heart I broke

I loved him so much. We were the best of friends and great lovers. It just wasn’t meant to be.

The one I have yet to meet

He’s the one who stays when I am at my worst and I can’t get out of bed, let alone light up a room. He is my equal in everything and opens my eyes to things I have yet to imagine. He makes me cum every time, because he wants to. The rest I couldn’t possibly know, as we have yet to meet.

The most important one
photo

What’s the big mystery? It’s my clitoris, not the sphinx. ~ Miranda Hobbs